Silence

Well. it seems I've been dumped.

The last I heard from her was “You're wonderful, hope to talk to you tonight” and now she's ignoring my emails and screening my calls. It's been 10 days since I've heard from her… I don't care how busy you are, you can take 30 seconds to send someone an “I'm crazy busy, talk to you next week” email.

So, I wrote this email, though I haven't sent it yet… Gonna let it percolate till early next week.
_________________________

M,

Deciduous tree
bending in a winter's gale
brown leaves blown away

Your continued silence carries but one message, and I do not understand why. One day you were telling me I’m wonderful and talking about going to the science center with me, and the next day you’re completely ignoring my emails and screening my calls. Did I offend or anger you in some way? What have I done to suddenly incur this hurtful treatment from you? If you didn't want to see me anymore, why didn't you just tell me? You should have told me. I thought you had more courage than this, and I know I deserve more honesty than can be wrung from your silence.

I’m not angry – so please don’t read this and hear anger, but I am hurt. I think I made it pretty clear that I was developing very strong feelings for you, M. I really wish you had let me know that they were unwelcome and unreciprocated. At least then this abrupt end wouldn’t have come as such a shock. Instead of being honest, you chose to leave me hanging/guessing with no hint that you didn’t want me in your life – quite the contrary, you kept talking about things we would do together in the future. To be honest, I feel totally led on by your behviour. Next time you hold someone’s heart in your hands, please try to be a little more considerate.

Your actions have completely confused me, and I feel like a fool (a very sad fool) for continuing to try to communicate with you. Is this how you would expect/want to be treated if our situations were reversed? I don’t know what else to do except to assume that this is Goodbye, M. You were too good to be true after all.

Regardless of the pain you’ve caused me, I sincerely hope you attain your goals and have a wonderful life full of love and happiness. I hope that you can take something positive from knowing me, as I will try to do so with having known you.

And lastly, though I fully expect that this email will be answered with more silence, I would greatly appreciate it if you could please mail me my Princess Bride DVD. Since you don’t want to see me anymore that’s probably the easiest way to get it back to me. Thank you.

Sadly, and with confusion,
Z.

_________________________

Too nasty? Telling her she's a coward is a low blow, as is the “too good to be true” line, but I feel kinda justified.
How fucking hard is it to be honest?!?!?

Kinda like the haiku tho. Haiku is quickly becoming my favourite form of poetry. 🙂

I think I'm done with this dating shit. Next time someone asks me out I'm just going to say “sorry, you women are all crazy and I can't take the emotional turmoil anymore.” Between “I love you, but am not in love with you”, “It's not you, it's me”, and this shit, I just don't see the point. Generally I'm a very happy person, and although I'm definately happier when I'm in a loving relationship, the brutal lows afterwards just aren't worth it. I think, on average, my happiness quotient is highest when I'm alone – despite the occasional bout of lonliness. Beats the crushing realization that the person you're crazy about could care less.